I’d been following him for awhile, but for some reason (or no reason, really) we’d never spoken. Then he posted a story that would’ve knocked me off my damn feet if I’d been standing (I s’pose it’s a good thing I was sitting down), and I shot him a message on tumblr like there was a loaded gun to my head. That story was “She Likes Hair Bands,” and a thick-as-thieves friendship quickly developed between us.

We swapped life stories and phone numbers, and he became not only my constant texting companion but also my muse. The most popular piece I’ve ever posted to tumblr? He inspired it. And those text conversations? I was writing a story, and I asked him what 3 songs he’d pick on a jukebox if there was a girl he had his eye on. Then I realized: “Fuck it. He should just write the other half of this piece from the guy’s perspective.” Thus was born the first of several collaborative writing efforts, and he remains my favorite collaborator — a title I don’t see him relinquishing any time soon. There’s something about our process that just clicks. Writing with him makes me excited about writing again, makes me love writing again.

He’s picked me up when I was down, and I’ve tried to do the same. I don’t want to imagine what my life would be like without him in it. I literally would, and have, placed my life in his hands. To the best of my recollection he’s the only person on tumblr who’s ever seen me cry.

We’ve had our ups and downs; who hasn’t? We’ve survived more than our fair share of soul-darkened nights, anxiety, struggle, pain, shipping on tumblr — but we’re still here. If nothing more can be said, at least I can say that. When my mind retreats to darkness, he is always the first I reach for. It’s instinctive.

And over the course of the better part of a year and thousands of tumblr messages, texts, Skype conversations and phone calls, I’ve had the great privilege of bonding with a man who is a brilliant writer with a beautiful soul and a legendary ass. So tonight seemed as good as any to make this public declaration:

Nicholas Desjardins, I love you. You are the greatest friend, confidante, counselor, amateur therapist, co-writer, conspirator, and occasional muse I have ever known.

Happy birthday, Nick. If this doesn’t cause you to crack a smile, then fuck it, I give up. That’s a lie. I never give up. And I’ll never give up on you.